Anxious people

Cover of book 'Anxious People' by Fredrik Backman
“Anyone can nurture a myth about their life if they have enough manure, so if the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, that's because it's full of shit."”

— Fredrik Backman
Anxious People 
by Fredrik Backman 
Translated by Neil Smith
My rating: 5⭐
Reading goal: work book club January read

It's funny to think that, given I gave this book 5 stars, I nearly DNF-ed it multiple times. But it's true. And not because the book was bad or that I wasn't enjoying it. Quite the opposite. I nearly stopped multiple times because this book felt like I was looking in a mirror and I couldn't bear to see myself so vividly on the page. I've never been good at looking myself in the eyes, and this book never blinked.

Anxious people is a book that seems like a straight-forward crime/mystery story about a bank robber and a hostage situation, but to only label it that way does a terrible disservice. It's hilarious, confronting, emotional, uncomfortable and yes, anxiety inducing. Maybe that's just me... but this book would tell me otherwise. Or maybe this is one of those books that defines itself by how much the reader sees themselves in the pages. Which is how I ended up having to repeatedly put this book down just to catch my breath, wondering if I'd be able to get through it because it really (really) caused my chest to pinch.

Ok, this will sound terribly conceited, but one of the things I loved and hated in equal measure was that, as I was highlighting the parts that had me in all my feelings, I would make a sarcastic or dark comment, only to read it a few lines later. Now I'm not saying I can write like Fredrik Backman (obviously), but it would seem I have a similar sarcastically dark sense of humour as the narrator of the story. At first it was funny, and hell, sometimes I even preened at my own wit. 
“...humour is the soul's last line of defence, and as long as we're laughing we're alive, so bad puns and fart jokes were their way of expressing their defiance against despair.”

— Fredrik Backman
But as the book went on the weight of the anxiety and sadness behind the sarcasm became so heavy; the joy of having found a voice so like my own became an anchor that sat in my throat as I realised I didn't like it anymore. And if I didn't like something that I saw myself in so deeply, did that make me unlikeable? Was I this difficult to be around? Because yeah, I can be funny and sarcastic and my humour can land on the dark side, but did that weigh on other people like it did me in this book? I think if I had have stopped reading at the moment of this realisation, I would have done some decent damage to my already fragile self-worth. But I pressed on. 
Besides, that's not what this book is about, anyway. 
Not really.

This book is really about everyone in some way or another. The dark sarcastic humour is just the hand holding the mirror, to show us the relatability of broken people in its reflection. 

So, I felt all the feelings and laughed in defiance of my despair and kept going. Because there really isn't any other choice; there was so much beauty to be found if you can take a moment to breathe and face it.

~*~*~*~*~*~
This book starts out by going absolutely all over the place - multiple threads and anecdotes and styles of writing and POVs and it can feel extremely overwhelming (hence, the anxiety!). If you are struggling with all the pieces, I encourage you to take a breath and keep going. It all settles down a bit - or maybe it just becomes more manageable - but there does seem to be a point where it all just gets easier to follow. So stick with it! The journey is worth it. 

Huge props, also, to the translator of this book. You wouldn't have known this was originally written in Swedish if it weren't for the regular mentions of Stockholm. There weren't any moments of 'well this got lost in translation!' that I've had with other books written in a language other than English. 

I'm going to leave you with one last quote (because the others I want to share would spoil some of the fun!). 
“'Thanks for that, you're a real tonic. You're like a self-help book, only in reverse.'"

— Fredrik Backman

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